want rant

This is what I want right now;

I want my best friend to be okay and to be her again. I am afraid that this will never happen or that things won't be the same. And I guess they probably won't, but I just want HER back. I don't know how to help mourning, I don't like seeing other people cry. It makes me feel awkward and sometimes I feel empathetic. Seeing you cry makes me want to cry. But I'm not good at the whole crying in front of people thing.

I want relation, not a relationship. With you. I want to date you. But only date you. I don't see the point of these silly high school relationships, forcing commitment on transient means. We are all kids, trying to rush into what our broken demented idea of how high school should play out. I feel like everyone is trying to say "I love you" to everyone. Love doesn't work that way. Saying those three words after a 3 week long period of commitment screams disappointment to me. I don't like relationships or boyfriends. I like fun. I like hookups and dating. I'm not the girlfriend type, I don't make time for the guy and get bored too easily. I just don't think that at the age of 16, long relationships are fun. But then again, I probably won't even consider marriage until I'm 31. Ehh, I want to date you and hook up with you. Let's do this now, ya?

I want to kick you in the face. You all create drama and go through friends like paper plates. People aren't made to be disposable. I don't understand how you girls can feel as if its okay to treat people as if they are. Getting close to them to suck what you want out of them.

I want you not to mistake my kindness for weakness. I'm never weak, you should know that by now. But for some reason, you feel that it's okay to push your agendas on me and make your needs first priority. It's not okay. But you're not normal, you don't realize that all of the people who you think are close to you, are pushing you away.

I want you not to join track. I don't like you. So why are you following me? GO AWAY.

I want to graduate, I think?

I want my permit. I'm busy and I procrastinate. It's a deadly habit, a cycle that won't break. I am always frustrated.

I want to come to terms with myself , and know that I am human. Because I don't. I don't except my mistakes as often as I should.

I want to study for my SAT. I don't. I have the book but have yet to crack it open. Again, procrastination strikes.

I want sleep to be optional. Or the amount to keep you healthy lessened. I feel that so much time of your life is wasted sleeping, and that so much more could be done. Thus the reason I am writing this at 3:36 am. I just search for a lot of time savers: not always brushing my hair, not folding my clothes, not ironing my clothes, etc.

I want at least a B in precal. I feel like that class is a waste of my time and the teacher's time. I am not going to ever major in anything math related in college, I want to be a lawyer. Therefore, I have yet to see the purpose of precal. All it does is stress me out and lower my gpa.

I want people to understand me.

The Man of my Dreams

Jon Heder
Jon Heder
Jon Heder
Jon Heder
Jon Heder
Jon Heder
Jon Heder

on Febuary 5th, 2009 at about 3:45, I met the man of my dreams.
Somebody pinch me, I must be dreaming.

Thank you Lauren Leavell, Michael Diaz, and Cindy Tena. And ASB.

A good day at Disneyland became one of the best days of my LIFE. This is probably an understatement. I was so happy I started crying. I've always said I would never understand those people who cry over celebrities. But I became one.
I've seen every MOVIE of his atleast 3 times. I've seen School for Scoundrels over 12 times, and I cannot even begin to count the number of times I've seen Napolean.
I love him. I didn't want to ruin his day with his family. I was so conflicted. That is why I cried.

But I met him, and that is all that matters :D


I MET JON HEDER, YOU ALL CAN SUCK IT.

love song

So this is it.
I could think of 100 reasons on the spot why we'd be the best couple ever. But, how is this going to work? I doubt it will ever happen.
I could say that I am really glad we are just friends, but I'd be lying. I want more.
I feel like we are the same person, but different, and then the same again. I could try telling you how I feel, but I'm a coward. And I'm really awkward. And then if that does go as planned, like the whole liking each other back thing, then what? What happens when we "fall out of like"? Are we still the same as before, or all weird?
I'm just not good in general with the whole being girly and liking a guy thing. I don't know how to act "cute" or flirt. It's probably my downfall. I also don't know how to be a girlfriend. PDA scares me sometimes and communication is sometimes over- complicated or over- simplified. But I sense that you'd be the same way too.
I am just very intellectually attracted to you. The fact that I can carry on a intellectually stimulating conversation with you is really attractive. I also really like the fact that I can carry on a conversation with you that would scare most, but is entertained by you.
But the men I like don't make a move first. They really don't. Maybe once they did, yes once I believe.
I probably couldn't even begin to describe how typical this situation is.
It's not uncommon in my life for the things, places, people, relations, and feelings I want to be inaccessible.
Typical.